I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
