WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
