Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
