I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
