I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
