She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
