FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
