Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
