i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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