Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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