Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize