My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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