dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
