I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
