"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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