he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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