i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
