Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
