She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
