apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
