OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
