i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize