Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
third nipple confirmed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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