"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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