discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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