Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
