wat bout pragnant strippers??
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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