I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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