i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
