my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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