I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
