Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
