I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize