You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
