that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
