White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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