Bisexual people are plain selfish.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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