So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my vag is so smooth its legendary
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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