i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
