I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
