i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
