just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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