Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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