You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
