I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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