Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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