YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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