don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
