I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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