I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
