you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found the puke drawer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
