if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm passing your future prison.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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