just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
