You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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