That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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