If i come over, it means nothing
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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