i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize