this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
