He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So much rum. So many feels.
Just pee around me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
