first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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