would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
