i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
