Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
