Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
