How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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