I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
