They should really pass out barf bags in church
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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