Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
