i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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