I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
