yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
