i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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