Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
