I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
