So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
