Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
