Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
