I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize