I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He better not be in your backpack
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
