and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The Olympian is in my bed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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