He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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