I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
