I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
