Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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