Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
