i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
