I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
