Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
