I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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