Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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