Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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