You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
