weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
