he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
