My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
